Discoveries

 This summer I finalized my divorce with Amber. I went through a lot of hard choices that reshaped not only my life, but the lives of my son, step-daughters and ex-wife. I took this summer off from work. I have never taken time for myself like this, ever. I have begun healing before jumping into the next relationship. I developed an artistic routine. I chilled out, relaxed and had fun (this was very new and strange to me). I spent time with my eight year old son. And through the many lessons, revelations and unraveling myself to see what’s truly broken in me, this is my top three discoveries about my dysfunctions:

1) I had an older neighbor named Sarah. She often threw crazy concepts concerning biblical things at me. After sorting through all of her beliefs, this is what I came to the conclusion with: Sometimes life events and influences shape and develop our understandings of the world and how it works. Through our suffering, this becomes the lens we view the world. I do the same thing. I need to correct my lens through biblical teachings from the actual Bible.

2) My enemies may be close to my friends. Before my divorce, while we were still struggling to make it work, my wife decided she wanted a new porch. We discussed and argued about this. We couldn’t afford it. But she went ahead and hired someone to do the job. In a nutshell, he tore a hole in the side of the house, which, when it rained, caused a waterfall to wipe out my $2000 computer with all of my comic and art projects on it, along with all of my actual art and storyboards for “My Walk”. When I confronted him on the situation (not trying to make him pay for my loss, but just fix the hole in the house), all he could say as he backed away from me with his hands in the air was “It’s always something”. This summer I saw a Facebook post from a friend of mine, hanging out with this same handyman and his kids. At first I got angry. Why would she let her kids hang out with his? Then the Holy Spirit tugged on me, and it hit my hard. The bible talks about loving your neighbor. The bible talks about loving your enemies. We are all connected to each other, one big family. If my friends see something in my enemies that brings joy to everyone, I do not want to be a dark cloud over everything. I would rather shine the light of Jesus.

3) My identity is not in my stuff. I always thought I had this one under control. I value Christ in my life more than any DVD or music or comics. I felt that when the handyman destroyed the comic I was working on, what very little that was left of me in my broken marriage, died. I was gone. Nothing left. I felt the devil snuffed out my dreams of honoring God through the comic series I was working on. But I have come to realize, through prayer, that my identity is not in my stuff. If everything is taken from me, I still have my God! And with all of my loss, I still prosper. 

I remember years ago standing in the shower balling my eyes out praying to God that I forgive my mother-in-law for all the hateful things she did to me. The reason it is so hard to forgive someone, is because to truly forgive them, you have to absorb the cost. This means you are not going to make them pay for it, but you are going to pay for it on some level. Hum, sounds a lot like Jesus to me…