Journal Batch #5

 5-15-24

I see two paths before me. The first is lustful and selfish. Pursue what I want. Be with who I want. This lets the demons in my home and heart. Drama and suffering follow. This happened this morning. My mind went to a dark place of pleasure. Right after, my mind was flooded with an idea for a My Walk issue called Robbing Hell. It was as if Jesus was knocking on my door saying “I’m still here. Don’t deny me”. I felt like the idea was hug to me, but to the Lord it was but a trickle. He’s got much more for me. Which path should I go on? Live in the moment, or create a legacy that touches others with a hope of eternity. 

When I deserve you the least, you give me the most. 

Through this divorce I am taking a hard look at who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.

5-19-24

Maybe post 10 issues on my blog at a time. Rotate so all issues are posted a month. 10 per week. Leave a note: Collect them all!

I found some old notes, so I thought I would type them up real quick. If I am repeating myself here, well, I’d rather say it twice than loose it. 

There is a world of creators out there that will sacrifice everything for their craft… including their families. They will spend every hour drawing and becoming a master of the visual medium. As christian creators, this means we still focus on God, church, work and family first. Then pray hard and work hard! Your art is your sacrifice to God!

5-20-24

Reality check. I have developed a summer schedule to create a comic book habit that I hope carries through to next fall when I start work at the school again (I have summers off! Praise Jesus). If I stay on task, I could possibly finish three issues this summer. When I opened up the “My Walk” folder on my computer, I counted 63 issue ideas for the series. If I run with this and take no breaks what so ever, no illnesses, no tragedies, it will take me over 5 years to complete (really, probably closer to 10 years). So, for my own personal mental health, and to cherry pick only the best ideas, I am going to choose 20 issues to focus on. Here they are:

The Armor of God issues 1-8

The Sinless Seven issue 9

Hymnals & Heroes issue 10 merge with Stove Ash issue 13

Robbing Hell issue 11 merge with To Forgive 36 (5 pages?)

Bootleg issue 12

The Prophet issues 17-19 (merge into 1 issue)

Ruth 21 merge with The Ghost (a Halloween Tale) 23

Swamp Demon 22 merge with Tables 33

Judges 24-26 (merge into 1 issue)

Draw 100 Jesus issue 15

Spilled Ink (3 issues)

5-22-24

God is moving in my life. I have three recent events that took place. Last week I went and spoke to my pastor. I kept any complaining to a minimum and discussed my marriage and now divorce with Zane. It felt so good to open up and release what I had been holding on to. This was my first step towards attending church again. 

The second event was included in this message to my friend and Sunday school teacher Miss Shar: I had a praise this morning in my prayers. Yesterday, at lunch time, as I waited in the hall for the screaming third graders to charge at me... Prepared for my usual "walk!" As they run past me... Little Aspen, walked past, in front of her entire class of rebels and criminals (and I know how hard it is to do the opposite of your friends with all the peerpresure) and boldly stated "we are praying in church for you and Luke to come back". At that moment, I saw Raelene and Ed in her (her parents), I saw you Shar, and I felt God. 

And lastly, I broke down at work yesterday in front of my co-workers. The parenting plan has been hard on me and my son. Paige, who serves food to the grade school kids with me, as I was opening up, looked me in the eyes and said “You are doing a good job”. And she meant it. I say that every day to everyone I pass. I’ve been saying “Good job” since my days in Denver (around 2001). This was the first time someone said it back, and it felt so real, and so good.

Exodus 14:14

5-24-24

Today I am grateful. My hours at work increased, along with my pay. I love my job, home and time with my son. My stack of abstract ideas are becoming solid projects that will turn into finished comic books. I feel God at work, moving through my life. And just as Jesus walked through a town and the broken people felt Him, dropped everything and followed Him, I to want to follow God.

5-25-24

Lord, help me not bend in the wind.

Looking back at 53 years on this planet, I see all the mistakes I’ve made. Demons I let in with words and actions. Right now I am becoming laser focussed. God, Luke and my comic book. My offerings to the Lord. Raise my son to love God. Make art to worship, honor and proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ. I am happy at work for the first time in my life. I am happy at home for the first time in my life. I love my church. I am happy with the direction my art is going in for the first time in my life. THANK YOU LORD! And looking back at my life, this is where I reck everything with my lust and broken relationships. Like my art store… The Lord giveth and taketh away. But not this time! I started down that path recently, but God pulled me back. I guess he’s not done yet. Today I am thankful for what I have and the path I’m on. Lord keep me.

6-1-2024

As I was doing the dishes this morning, I had thoughts about my family in the past. Forgotten generations. Testimonials. So I wanted to take a moment and jot down a few memories and stories. The spark was started at my mom’s house as she reminisced about her mom and grandma. My great grandma that I never knew. But she was a major force in my mom’s life. A strong good hearted christian woman. I thought about my son Luke, and how he never knew my grandma, who was a major force in my life. A strong good hearted christian woman. My mom’s grandma had a house (maybe in Washington?) in her younger years that would frequently have unexpected guests. Her and my mom’s great grandpa would wake up in the morning and find native Americans sleeping on the living room floor.  They were so kind to the indigenous people that they never acted like it was a problem. My grandma would send checks every month to the Oral Roberts ministries. My grandma’s brother Glenn worked in a mine with his brother. In their younger years. I guess they were both lost souls. There was an accident in the mine killing the brother and Glenn was in the hospital. There, he fell in love with his christian nurse, Mildred, and later married her. He then became a preacher. I guess the whole point behind this entry is how even the people from the past that we never knew have a huge impact on this present generation. I have a cousin that constantly starts drama on Facebook. But then he will flip and become a holy roller, preaching on social media. Then back to drama again. I used to hate that about him, feeling like he could push people away from Christ with his inconsistency. Now, I think the seeds from past generations are the parts of my cousin that surfaces and proclaims Christ. Without that family foundation in the church, my cousin may only be drama with no hope at all.